2.3 - Theory: How Kids Process Grief

In this video, we’ll walk through a few key psychology concepts to help you better understand what your child may be feeling during divorce. The goal is to give you insight that helps you see things from their perspective and respond with empathy and insight in ways that protect your child’s emotional health.

💔 Key Concepts:

  • Disenfranchised grief
  • → Divorce is rarely treated like a loss, but for kids, it absolutely is. When their grief isn’t acknowledged, kids feel isolated and misunderstood.

  • Emotional isolation & identity disruption
  • → Unrecognized grief affects emotional growth, trust, and even a child’s sense of self.

  • Grief is not linear and it looks different for kids
  • → Kids didn’t choose this change. While adults may feel relief, kids are still mourning what was - and what they imagined would be.

  • Divorce is an ACE (Adverse Childhood Experience)
  • → If unaddressed, it increases risks for anxiety, depression, and future relational difficulties. But with support, kids can become incredibly resilient.

  • Emotional timeline mismatch
  • → Parents start processing grief before kids even know the divorce is coming. When kids start grieving, parents may already be moving on - creating emotional disconnection.

  • Unprocessed parental grief becomes a barrier
  • → Suppressed emotions in parents lead to exhaustion, projection, and poor modeling of coping.

  • Kids often hope for reunification
  • → Even in high-conflict families, children crave familiarity and belonging. New partners can intensify grief.

🧭 Bottom Line:

Your child’s grief may not match your own. They don’t need logic; they need validation, emotional presence, and a safe place to feel seen and heard.