Do's and Don'ts

✅ Do’s for Supporting Kids in Two Homes

  1. Do Create Consistent RoutinesMatch bedtimes, mealtimes, rules, and daily schedules across both homes to provide stability.
  2. Do Use Transition RitualsDevelop gentle, predictable routines (e.g., pizza and movie night, a special handshake) to ease the emotional weight of switching homes.
  3. Do Keep Essential Items in Both HomesStock toiletries, clothes, and comfort objects in both places so your child doesn’t feel like a guest or have to live out of a suitcase.
  4. Do Prioritize Emotional AvailabilityPrepare yourself emotionally before transition times so you can greet your child with empathy, calm, and validation.
  5. Do Encourage Strong Bonds with Both ParentsFacilitate celebrations, FaceTime check-ins, and support during special moments—even when it’s not your parenting time.

🚫 5 Don’ts That Undermine Mental Health

  1. Don’t Make Kids Choose or Take SidesAvoid snide comments, comparisons, or guilt trips about what happens at the other home.
  2. Don’t Weaponize StuffNever restrict items like gifts or clothes from moving between homes to make a point or control your co-parent.
  3. Don’t Undermine Routines or DisciplineDon’t abandon rules just to be the “fun parent”—kids still need structure to thrive.
  4. Don’t Turn Transitions Into Teaching MomentsAvoid discipline or serious conversations right after hand-offs—focus on connection and emotional safety first.
  5. Don’t Let Adult Conflict Cause Collateral DamageDon’t block access to friends, pets, or familiar activities just because you and your co-parent aren’t getting along.
"The goal isn't to create identical homes, but to build bridges between them." - Dr. Jennifer McIntosh, Family Court Review

Remember:

According to the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy, children adapt best when parents focus on creating emotional safety between homes.